Can you stop asking me whether we’ll have another child please?
I’m not talking about you, but them. You know the ones I mean. The random people.
Your family and close friends know what you went through to have the child you have. They know about the losses. They might know about your messed up medical history and psychologically what it takes to make the decision to try again. They see hand how exhausted you are and how you’re struggling to keep it together. They know better to ask. Or at least they should.
But why do strangers feel it’s okay to ask about your ovaries and your reproductive plans? It infuriates me. Knowing nothing about you, they role up their sleeves and start rummaging around your metaphorical womb as if they’re looking for a lost sock in their drawers. You’ve one child, if I just keep poking about, I’m bound to find another.
Nooo! There is no second child and if there was, or plans for there to be, I’m certainly not going to be telling someone I’ve barely met.
Two years into parenthood and I’m not entirely sure that we’ve even decided ourselves. It’s more a quiet acceptance that age, biology and timing have probably put pay to that. Throw in a small child who isn’t good with change and it’s not a winning combination.
Many of my mummy friends are now into their second pregnancy or trying for another child, so I guess this is the time that many second kids come along, but I really wish people would stop asking.
Why is there assumption that if you have one child your family is somehow incomplete? I don’t feel incomplete. I don’t feel that there is anything missing. Small Boy is marvellous and more than enough for us.
There’s many reasons I would love a second child – the chattering of little voices down the hall, the bond and comfort they might have later in life, the knowledge that when I’m no longer about, they’ll have each other. But there’s also lots of good reasons to have just one child – we are content, we’re already exhausted, financially we’ll be more secure and give the one we have more.
It’s not a competition. One child, two children, three, four…more… there isn’t a right number. It’s what’s right for your family and in large part just fate… or luck.
So next time you ask someone, can you just stop and think why you’re asking. And think how well you know that person? Perhaps they’ve suffered baby loss, fertility issues, have medical issues, or have just made a choice to not have any more children. And then perhaps you can keep your question to yourself.